In the



Major Key

Well, I'm certainly at a completely different point in my life than I was the last entry I wrote. To begin, It's the beginning of march, and I got quite sick shortly after Christmas, causing me to have major panic attacks, and all of my old OCD phobias to return. It's been chaotic, but if it's done anything good, It's that number one, I rid myself of the negative influences in my life, (or rather, they rid themselves of me).


To explain, I don't know what happened in the two weeks I was out of commission for being sick, but Greg, Courtney, and Alie all decided to stop talking to me. I was kind of fine with it, because I realized I was only using them for the times that I wasn't with Jess and Lex anyhow. Also, I've been completely drug and alcohol free for a month now, and I intend to keep it that way for a long time. I've also been meat free for about three weeks. I'm very proud of all of these things. For the first time in three years, I could pass a drug test. That's a big deal! I've never been able to do that.


however,with jess and lex both gone at college, I do get quite lonely here. I work a lot, but that can only do so much. I don't have that group of friends that has surrounded me DAILY for the past three years. I'm doing alright with it though. I've found ways to enjoy my solitude, I guess. Maybe even cherish it? That, of course, is not to say that I don't still get depressed, by all means, I do, maybe on a daily basis, but I'm making it by.


I've found a new hobby, one that I think will one day turn into a song or a movie, and it goes something like this.



Number one,  I facebook a boy on the internet. I just send him a private message that says " I don't know you, but you're beautiful"

that's all.


and then they respond, I add them as a friend, and nothing really happens.

Nothing that they know about.


this is creepy, so bear with me a little bit, ok?

I find out where they live and what they do, get a hang of their schedule, and then I find them in real life, and I follow them around and just watch them. Like a stalker, but I don't have any creepy feelings toward them, I'm not going to DO anything with it, I just want to know. just to keep a personal record. I don't know. I'm not sure what it's going to become yet, but I quiiite like it. I did it today, I'm stalking this boy who works at the library, and I drove there and just, well, I just watched the kid. I dunno.


I got a kick out of it, that's for sure.


My phobias are getting ridiculous. I had to wash cash today. WASH IT. SUBMERGE IT IN WATER AND FUCKING SCRUB IT.


I was at the gas station, and I drop my wallet in the slush, and i'm like whatever, it's fucking slush, right?


WRONG.


It's like gas all over the goddamn ground, so my wallet REAKS, and I can't even fucking deal with that shit, so I'm like, Scrambling, trying not to faint from what I believe are noxious fumes coming off of my fucking wallet. Not only that, but I still fucking had a book to buy. I have one non-gas contaminated 20 in my pocket and i'm thanking GOD for that, you know? So I go in to Barnes and Noble and I get the book (invisible monsters by CP) And Ok, this is strange to explain. The gas was on one of my hands, and that hand touched my car keys. The keys went in my right pocket. So now the right pocket is contaminated. So I go into barnes and noble, ask some fat black guy "do y'all have a bathroom" ( I started saying y'all cause alexa did it one time at country market and some lady responded very well to it, so now I think it's cute) and he directs me to the bathroom, and I go in and DUR I wash my hands. So I get the book with CLEAN hands and I go to check out. It's like thirtenn dollars, so I'm like looking in my left pocket for the money, and it's fucking NOT THERE. Its in the CONTAMINATED right pocket. And I'm fucking pissed at like, god, or someone now. So I hand it to her, which contaminated her hands. LUCKILY, she already had the book in the bag cause I couldn't find my 20, so she didn't touch it, right? so she hands me my now contaiminated change which i put in my contaminated right pocket, and then she SHOVES A CONTAMINATED RECEIPT INTO THE BAG.

needless to say, when I got home, I emptied my walled and WASHED it's entire contents. Then I WASHED the outside of the book. It unfortunately now has light water damage, but I can't even take that shit you know??



And it's shit like this that happens to me on the DAILY. EVERY SINGLE DAY.


I go to subway, the guy making me a sub has a hair on his nose, so I buy it like a nice person, and then I THROW IT FUCKING OUT THE WINDOW ON THE HIGHWAY BECAUSE I'M AFRAID THAT IF I EAT IT I'LL DIE.




It's really irritiating, but I also think it's mildly fascinating.



so yep.






<3 c